Enneagram

The Enneagram is a systematic study of the personality. It explains human behavior in nine different personality types based on years of observation and thousands of personal interviews. Each of the nine types has their own specific way of interpreting the world around them, essential qualities, motivation for their behavior, and responses to handling life's stressors.

There is no right or wrong type, no one type is better than any of the other types. The beauty of the Enneagram is that when you begin to read about your type you will be amazed of how well it describes you. As you continue to read each type, you will come upon the less flattering yet very real "lower side" of each number.

Below is a free test you can take online to help determine your type.

http://www.personalityonline.com/tests/engine.html?testid=2 

Wings

Usually one has characteristics of one of the types that lie adjacent to one's own that are more prominent. This is called the wing. So someone who is a type 5, might have a 4 wing or a 6 wing. This may be abbreviated to "5w4" and "5w6". If one doesn't have a dominant wing, it is said that the wings are balanced

                    
Enneagram type descriptions

Type 1 - The Reformer
           

Perfectionists, responsible, fixated on improvement

Ones are essentially looking to make things better, as they think nothing is ever quite good enough. This makes them perfectionists who want to reform and improve themselves & the world.

Type 2 - The Helper  

              

Helpers who need to be needed

Twos essentially feel that they are worthy insofar as they are helpful to others. Love is their highest ideal. Selflessness is their duty. Giving to others is their reason for being. Involved, socially aware, usually extroverted, Twos are the type of people who remember everyone's birthday and who go the extra mile to help out a co-worker.

Type 3 - The Achiever  

       

Focused on the presentation of success, to attain validation Threes need to be validated in order to feel worthy; they pursue success and want to be admired. They are frequently hard working, competitive and are highly focused in the pursuit of their goals, whether their goal is to be the most successful salesman in the company or the "sexiest" woman in their social circle.

Type 4 - The Individualist   
   

Identity seekers, who feel unique and different

Fours build their identities around their perception of themselves as being somehow different or unique; they are thus self-consciously individualistic. They tend to see their difference from others as being both a gift and a curse - a gift, because it sets them apart from those they perceive as being somehow "common," and a curse, as it so often seems to separate them from the simpler forms of happiness that others so readily seem to enjoy. 

Type 5 - The Investigator 

    

Thinkers who tend to withdraw and observe

Fives essentially fear that they don't have enough inner strength to face life, so they tend to withdraw, to retreat into the safety and security of the mind where they can mentally prepare for their emergence into the world. Fives feel comfortable and at home in the realm of thought. They are generally intelligent, well read and thoughtful and they frequently become experts in the areas that capture their interest.

Type 6 - The Loyalist 

   

Conflicted between trust and distrust

Sixes essentially feel insecure, as though there is nothing quite steady enough to hold onto. At the core of the type Six personality is a kind of fear or anxiety. Sixes don't trust easily; they are often ambivalent about others, until the person has absolutely proven herself, at which point they are likely to respond with steadfast loyalty. 

Type 7 - The Enthusiast 

             

Pleasure seekers and planners, in search of distraction

Sevens are essentially concerned that their lives be an exciting adventure. They are future oriented, restless people who are generally convinced that something better is just around the corner. They are quick thinkers who have a great deal of energy and who make lots of plans. They tend to be extroverted, multi-talented, creative and open minded. 

Type 8 - The Challenger

    

Taking charge, because they don't want to be controlled

Eights are essentially unwilling to be controlled, either by others or by their circumstances; they fully intend to be masters of their fate. Eights are strong willed, decisive, practical, tough minded and energetic. They also tend to be domineering; their unwillingness to be controlled by others frequently manifests in the need to control others instead. 

Type 9 - The Peacemaker

Keeping peace and harmony

Nines essentially feel a need for peace and harmony. They tend to avoid conflict at all costs, whether it is internal or interpersonal. As the potential for conflict in life is virtually ubiquitous, the Nine's desire to avoid it generally results in some degree of withdrawal from life, and many Nines are, in fact, introverted. Other Nines lead more active, social lives, but nevertheless remain to some to degree "checked out," or not fully involved, as if to insulate themselves from threats to their peace of mind.

Want to find out more?

Contact Lana +27 83 339 1641

Email: lana@acker.co.za

http://www.emotionalfreedom.co.za

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Forgiveness

Forgiveness

Ho’ponopono…”I am so sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you”

Such powerful words & so freeing when we are able to say them. Even just saying it to ourselves shifts us to another state of being, it does not even need to be said to the person who hurt or harmed us.

Why do we even need to forgive? Because when we don’t it’s like drinking poison & expecting the other person to die.

Ultimately we don’t need to forgive if we really “get” the other person is just doing their best. And sometimes what they have done to us helps to make us stronger. When we are willing to look for the gift, there is always a quality we have gained from the pain.

Forgiveness is about setting ourselves free, to move on from the pain of the past. It is a selfish act. Most times it is not about letting the other person off the hook, but giving ourselves permission to move on. When we hold onto the pain, we stay in the situation that was so painful. It remains locked in our cellular memory.

By going back to the event & changing how we feel about the “wrong”, we change the way the body feels about the pain. We don’t know what is real & what is imagined. When we change the way we feel about the past, we change the past…or at least the memory of the past. When we are able to think about it differently it no longer has a hold over us. That is freedom.

What if what was done to us was unforgivable? Then we don’t forgive the behavior, we just forgive the soul of the person. If they knew better, they would have done it differently…especially our parents.

I would love to hear how forgiving someone has made difference to your life.

Here is my personal story….Our house was broken into, & the man who had broken into the house was seen by my domestic worker who alerted the guard, who in turn alerted the police & the thief was caught. I was called home to find the thief already in the police van. He said to me he was really hungry & much to the annoyance of the policeman I made him something to eat.

He was sentenced to 6 months in prison. I did some work with myself employing the techniques I use in my practice on forgiveness.

6 Months later I had a ring at the gate. The person on the other side said it was the man who had broken into my house. He had come to apologise. My husband & I landed up employing him on a part time basis until he found permanent employment.

Was it because of the forgiveness process I had done that he came to make amends….only the universe knows that for sure.

I like to think so.

Next forgiveness workshop

Sunday 30^th January.

Call Lana 083 339 1641

Email lana@acker.co.za

Relationships

We meet a partner, fall in love…….and believe in the ending “happy ever after”

Right?   But in reality that seldom happens. 

Why?  We are brought up to believe once we find Mr or Mrs “Right” we will be fulfilled.

Big Mistake…..Once we are in a relationship, that is when our true spiritual growth happens, and most times it’s painful.

Why? Because 90% of what we feel in our relationships is a reaction to the wounding from our past.

I wonder what would happen IF we were to look at ourselves and our own reactions as opposed to pointing our finger at the other person

(oops, three fingers are pointing back to ourselves )

If we took responsibility for our part in what was not working, maybe that is when our lives could start to change. “The way we see the problem, is the problem.” Stephen Covey

So let me ask you this

·         Who hurt /frustrated you when you were young?

·         What feelings did you experience over and over again?

·         How did you react?

Is there a similar feeling in the present as there was in the past........And a similar reaction?

E.g. withdraw/explode/feel resentment/unworthy/not good enough, etc

So it all boils down to healing our past.

How do we do this?

A great way to begin, is to ask yourself in the midst of that feeling is….

·         ”How old do you feel yourself to be?”  Just get a sense or knowing of how old you were when the wounding happened.

·         And then ask yourself “What did you need?”

Maybe it was recognition/acknowledgment/reassurance/praise/a hug and so on.

Make yourself small enough to fit into the palm of your hand and place your hand in the middle of your chest. See yourself giving to yourself what is was you needed in that moment.

As you start to heal these unresolved hurts from your past, you will start to heal your present day relationships both with yourself and with those around you. And sometimes healing yourself is loving yourself enough to let go of relationships which no longer serves you.

The next really important issue is to look at is your communication style.

Are you so busy formulating your own answers, or defending yourself and your stand, or withdrawing from the disagreement that you are not REALLY listening to your partner?

If you could allow yourself the space to REALLY HEAR what is being said and often what is not being said, your partner might for the very first time ever……FEEL HEARD.

And guess what?.....when we feel heard, we in turn are happier to understand.

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood”  Stephen Covey

Most times neither points of view is “right” or “wrong” When you flip a coin, is heads more right than tails? It is merely our perception clouded from our past, so we make judgements and assumptions based on our “beliefs” which we believe to be true. Ouch!!

And that is exactly how it is for our partner, or anyone else for that matter.

I love the saying “I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realise what you heard is not what I meant”

Would you like to improve your communication skills or deepen your understanding of your relationship with your partner, give me a call to set up a private session or find out when the next workshop will be?

lana@acker.co.za

www.emotionalfreedom.com

+27 83 339 1641

Skype: lana333ph

Next Relationship workshop

When     To be advised
Time   
Special    

How often do you laugh?

·         Did you know you can laugh your way to health?

·         What happens to us when we laugh?

·         Why do we always feel so much better after a good belly laugh?

Well the reasons are many, but simply put our brain releases feel good hormones, and we…….. well, feel good!

We also have mirror images in our brain, so when we see someone laugh it makes us laugh. Likewise when we see someone cry it makes us want to cry.

Our body and brain do not know the difference between real and imagined. So we can “fake it till we make it” and guess what….. still get the benefit. How cool is that.

Just try it. Start laughing.

You  “Now?”

Me” Yes now.”

You “In front of my colleagues’?”

Me  “Even if they think you are mad, and they are most likely right, who cares. They will benefit and they will join you in the laughter. Seeing them laugh will make you laugh more. And so it goes. Who will get the last laugh I wonder?

Wanna bet? Just try it and see.”

Write to me, I would love to hear from you.

Now combine that with EFT and you have a magical formula. When we allow our emotional or physical pain a voice, we feel heard so are more willing to look at the situation another way. We tap on the limiting beliefs till we feel a shift and then we laugh (don’t laugh) into a new state of BEING. One that feels better AND is more empowering.

Want to know more, then let me hear from you. lana@coachingph.com

www.emotionalfreedom.co.za

How do you handle a Phobia?

Phobias

We were away for the weekend in the bush in the Waterberg.

As we arrived my husband’s 80 year old aunt went to the bathroom. She had no sooner pulled down her knickers when she noticed a movement in the bath. Stopping in mid flow to see what it was she could only squeak “snake” in a silent and yet terrifying mutter.

She managed to pull her pants back up to come running into the kitchen white faced to tell us there was a ‘Peeping Tom’ Rinkhals in her bath.

My husband and his brother managed to coax the snake into a cooler box utilizing handy braai tongs and a broom (silly, silly pathetically manly hero’s) to release him back to safety in the bush away from the scared neurotic humans.

Not long after that we went on a sundowner’s game drive. A beautiful 3 meter Black Mamba was innocently enjoying the late afternoon sun when the “Vaalies” drove past in their noisy 4 x 4 complete with Granny , Grandpa, 4 adults, 2 teenage ‘oh so precious’ girls and 2 “Dennis the Mennis” boys.

The Mamba in his haste to get away from this intrusion, flared up and pirouetted away from the vehicle to sidle away as quickly as he could.

It got me thinking as to why we have irrational fears and phobias. Where do these fears first start and how easy it is to overcome these phobias using EFT.

I had just the previous week worked with someone who had an irrational fear of spiders.

I had this email from her “The rain spiders came to visit again last night, and I feel more at ease with them”. That was in just one quick 10 minute session!

As an experiment you might want to try the following:

Think of a fear you have and then with your fingers tap about 5 times on the following points:

·         Under your eye on the bone.

·         Under your collar bone, in the gap between the first and second rib.

·         Under your arm, in line with your nipple or bra strap.

I would love to hear your phobia stories and if this advise has helped in any way. Please email me at Lana@coachingph.com

You might need to do some more in depth tapping with an EFT therapist to flesh out where the fear originated and to release it. It could take more than one session to sort it out fully.

Let’s begin the journey…

Lana

http://www.emotionalfreedom.co.za/