Relationships

We meet a partner, fall in love…….and believe in the ending “happy ever after”

Right?   But in reality that seldom happens. 

Why?  We are brought up to believe once we find Mr or Mrs “Right” we will be fulfilled.

Big Mistake…..Once we are in a relationship, that is when our true spiritual growth happens, and most times it’s painful.

Why? Because 90% of what we feel in our relationships is a reaction to the wounding from our past.

I wonder what would happen IF we were to look at ourselves and our own reactions as opposed to pointing our finger at the other person

(oops, three fingers are pointing back to ourselves )

If we took responsibility for our part in what was not working, maybe that is when our lives could start to change. “The way we see the problem, is the problem.” Stephen Covey

So let me ask you this

·         Who hurt /frustrated you when you were young?

·         What feelings did you experience over and over again?

·         How did you react?

Is there a similar feeling in the present as there was in the past........And a similar reaction?

E.g. withdraw/explode/feel resentment/unworthy/not good enough, etc

So it all boils down to healing our past.

How do we do this?

A great way to begin, is to ask yourself in the midst of that feeling is….

·         ”How old do you feel yourself to be?”  Just get a sense or knowing of how old you were when the wounding happened.

·         And then ask yourself “What did you need?”

Maybe it was recognition/acknowledgment/reassurance/praise/a hug and so on.

Make yourself small enough to fit into the palm of your hand and place your hand in the middle of your chest. See yourself giving to yourself what is was you needed in that moment.

As you start to heal these unresolved hurts from your past, you will start to heal your present day relationships both with yourself and with those around you. And sometimes healing yourself is loving yourself enough to let go of relationships which no longer serves you.

The next really important issue is to look at is your communication style.

Are you so busy formulating your own answers, or defending yourself and your stand, or withdrawing from the disagreement that you are not REALLY listening to your partner?

If you could allow yourself the space to REALLY HEAR what is being said and often what is not being said, your partner might for the very first time ever……FEEL HEARD.

And guess what?.....when we feel heard, we in turn are happier to understand.

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood”  Stephen Covey

Most times neither points of view is “right” or “wrong” When you flip a coin, is heads more right than tails? It is merely our perception clouded from our past, so we make judgements and assumptions based on our “beliefs” which we believe to be true. Ouch!!

And that is exactly how it is for our partner, or anyone else for that matter.

I love the saying “I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realise what you heard is not what I meant”

Would you like to improve your communication skills or deepen your understanding of your relationship with your partner, give me a call to set up a private session or find out when the next workshop will be?

lana@acker.co.za

www.emotionalfreedom.com

+27 83 339 1641

Skype: lana333ph

Next Relationship workshop

When     To be advised
Time   
Special    

How often do you laugh?

·         Did you know you can laugh your way to health?

·         What happens to us when we laugh?

·         Why do we always feel so much better after a good belly laugh?

Well the reasons are many, but simply put our brain releases feel good hormones, and we…….. well, feel good!

We also have mirror images in our brain, so when we see someone laugh it makes us laugh. Likewise when we see someone cry it makes us want to cry.

Our body and brain do not know the difference between real and imagined. So we can “fake it till we make it” and guess what….. still get the benefit. How cool is that.

Just try it. Start laughing.

You  “Now?”

Me” Yes now.”

You “In front of my colleagues’?”

Me  “Even if they think you are mad, and they are most likely right, who cares. They will benefit and they will join you in the laughter. Seeing them laugh will make you laugh more. And so it goes. Who will get the last laugh I wonder?

Wanna bet? Just try it and see.”

Write to me, I would love to hear from you.

Now combine that with EFT and you have a magical formula. When we allow our emotional or physical pain a voice, we feel heard so are more willing to look at the situation another way. We tap on the limiting beliefs till we feel a shift and then we laugh (don’t laugh) into a new state of BEING. One that feels better AND is more empowering.

Want to know more, then let me hear from you. lana@coachingph.com

www.emotionalfreedom.co.za

How do you handle a Phobia?

Phobias

We were away for the weekend in the bush in the Waterberg.

As we arrived my husband’s 80 year old aunt went to the bathroom. She had no sooner pulled down her knickers when she noticed a movement in the bath. Stopping in mid flow to see what it was she could only squeak “snake” in a silent and yet terrifying mutter.

She managed to pull her pants back up to come running into the kitchen white faced to tell us there was a ‘Peeping Tom’ Rinkhals in her bath.

My husband and his brother managed to coax the snake into a cooler box utilizing handy braai tongs and a broom (silly, silly pathetically manly hero’s) to release him back to safety in the bush away from the scared neurotic humans.

Not long after that we went on a sundowner’s game drive. A beautiful 3 meter Black Mamba was innocently enjoying the late afternoon sun when the “Vaalies” drove past in their noisy 4 x 4 complete with Granny , Grandpa, 4 adults, 2 teenage ‘oh so precious’ girls and 2 “Dennis the Mennis” boys.

The Mamba in his haste to get away from this intrusion, flared up and pirouetted away from the vehicle to sidle away as quickly as he could.

It got me thinking as to why we have irrational fears and phobias. Where do these fears first start and how easy it is to overcome these phobias using EFT.

I had just the previous week worked with someone who had an irrational fear of spiders.

I had this email from her “The rain spiders came to visit again last night, and I feel more at ease with them”. That was in just one quick 10 minute session!

As an experiment you might want to try the following:

Think of a fear you have and then with your fingers tap about 5 times on the following points:

·         Under your eye on the bone.

·         Under your collar bone, in the gap between the first and second rib.

·         Under your arm, in line with your nipple or bra strap.

I would love to hear your phobia stories and if this advise has helped in any way. Please email me at Lana@coachingph.com

You might need to do some more in depth tapping with an EFT therapist to flesh out where the fear originated and to release it. It could take more than one session to sort it out fully.

Let’s begin the journey…

Lana

http://www.emotionalfreedom.co.za/